Life through a cardboard tube

jnetlaughs:

moondrift:

18mm:

Spiders in Pakistan encase whole trees with webs.

Jeanette, I think my challenge for you is to tell me how we get away from these webs without being eaten by scary crawly creatures whose only intent is to completely terrify me and make jump out my shower squeeling like a teenage girl at a Beiber concert, that is all…

I hate spiders. I hate them with such a passion. They are creepy and crawly and ugly and freaky. Thank you for bringing this to my attention! We need this situation resolved NOW. There are a few options.

1. Fire. Burn them all. Use your blowtorch as a shield between you and these hideous beings.

2. Acid. With no more legs, these demons cannot lay their eggs in your brain by way of your ear canal.

3. Bring in several species of bird that specialize in the devouring of spiders. Be aware that many casualties will be had due to the strength and sheer number of webs.

4. Men. Men like killing things. Men like feeling strong and brave and needed and heroic. Play to their strengths (and ego) by recruiting them to extinguish this nightmare. The more men you coerce into this project, the better, as this will increase the feeling of competition. You may now go about your business, knowing the situation is being dealt with. 

5. RUN. Once they have locked you into sight, your only hope is to run to a place that does not house spiders. Antarctica perhaps, or the moon. Godspeed, my friend.

At all helpful?

Hmmm, very helpful indeed, I was considering the use of purple jello in which the ugly creatures would get their hairy little legs stuck fast allowing for ease of termination, perhaps mounds of honey and flour bombs would aid us in this cause also making it near impossible for them to hide in small unreachable spaces.

(I have to add that if someone tried to make me go anywhere near these things I would scream till all hell broke loose, even thinking about it makes my heart race)